Why Men Need Community (and Why It’s the Missing Piece in Your Growth)
Men don’t avoid community because they dislike it. They avoid it because depth feels dangerous. You’ve been taught that vulnerability looks like weakness (maybe you won’t even read a little Brené) - so we keep it light, keep it safe, and keep it shallow. It’s just easier to talk about the game.
The science is clear: the quality of our social connections isn’t just “nice to have”. It’s a major determinant of how long we live, how healthy we stay, and how well we handle stress. Strong relationships can lower blood pressure, improve immune function, protect mental health, and even cut the risk of premature death in half. When men have fewer, shallower, or less supportive relationships, they miss out on these protective benefits, and the gap isn’t just emotional. It shows up in our bodies.
The Real Issue
I’m not sure I know what the “real issue” is. I do know that I have found it harder to make friends, especially after all those couple friends floated away after divorce. I’ve had people tell me that the questions I ask are too deep. I’ve had to hide the fact that I went to private school (“Oooh…the Academy”…). Sometimes I want a place where I can be myself, but in the company of others. And not at the bar. Do you feel that?
Let’s break this down.
1. Loneliness might not be the biggest issue, but men ask for less emotional support
Although there’s a lot of buzz about men’s loneliness, a 2024 Pew Research study found that experiences with loneliness don’t differ much by gender, but they do by age (adults younger than 50 are more likely to say they often feel lonely, 22% vs. 9%). However, men are less likely to reach out to friends or relatives for emotional support.
2. Men’s social circles are shrinking dramatically
In 2021, the Survey Center on American Life found that 55% of men reported having six or more close friends in 1990, but by 2021, that figure had plunged to just 27%. Even more alarming, the share of men saying they have no close friendships rose fivefold, from 3% to 15% in that same period. Women have witnessed a friendship decline, too, but it has been far less pronounced.
3. Social ties boost survival by 50%
A 148-study meta-analysis found that strong social relationships improve odds of survival by 50%, a health boost on par with quitting smoking (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). Current evidence also indicates that the quantity and/or quality of social relationships in industrialized societies are decreasing.
4. Men's friendships tend to lack emotional depth and support compared to women’s
A 2024 Stanford Article highlights that, in the U.S., men’s social networks tend to be “thinner in depth, less frequent in emotional disclosure, and more rarely relied on for support” compared to women's networks, factors that can leave men more socially and emotionally isolated. I played pickleball with 12 guys for 3 months and learned that one of them had a daughter, not much else.
5. Strong social connections protect health
Decades of research show that high-quality social relationships (whether with friends, family, or community) are linked to longer life, better cardiovascular and immune health, lower stress, and better mental health outcomes. Men, who tend to have fewer emotionally supportive relationships, may miss out on these protective effects (Umberson & Karas Montez, 2010).
6. Participation in group activities strengthens purpose and belonging
A 2023 report from the U.S. Surgeon General notes that regularly engaging in shared activities such as sports teams, volunteer groups, or community programs creates a sense of meaning, belonging, and accountability, all of which are linked to reduced loneliness and improved well-being (HHS, 2023).
Why AdventureEDGE Works
At AdventureEDGE, we’ve built community elements into a 3-day backcountry leadership experience for men in Bryce Canyon:
Shared challenge – You’ll hike 8–12 miles a day with a pack, side-by-side with other high-performing men who are done skimming the surface.
Real conversations – We’ll go far past small talk, with guided coaching to surface what’s next for you.
Lasting bonds – You’ll leave with the kind of friendships that don’t vanish when you get back to your inbox.
Community changes men. The outdoors accelerates it. Leadership flourishes.
October 2–5: Bryce Canyon, UT. Limited to 3 spots.
Mike R. Sweeney
If you found this post valuable, please share it far and wide so others can benefit. If you want to think about investing in some coaching, shoot me a note @mikesweeney @sabercoaching.com. Maybe we can co-create some clarity and get you moving closer to the island you want to sail towards!